It Must Be Tonight, Save Me Tonight (WolfStar)
by Diana Frobisher
Summary: Sirius has been hiding the war in his mind for a very long time, but will his new roommate, Remus, put the pieces together in time? This is the story of new friendship, love, destruction, and recovery. No magic, present day University AU. WolfStar. WARNINGS for depression, suicidal thoughts, and self harm. Please be cautious.
1. Break Away

There's always been something about the open road that has cleared my twisted thoughts. I'm not entirely sure why, possibly the solitude or the knowledge that there is absolutely no one that I need to put any sort of face on for. Whatever the reason, even with the warm summer rain pounding down on my goggles and bike, I feel a little more at ease than I did before I began this small 'holiday'.

Now the reason I put it like that? Well it's a long story, and one that I prefer not to dwell on in fear of pulling out my hair. Which considering I am currently on what some people consider a two wheeled death machine in the rain flying through the tight Swiss roads running between the long journey from Winterthur in the north to Lugano in the south it might not be advisable to pull my hands from the bars at thus given moment. Of course at this moment I am still heading east towards St. Gallen taking all the less travelled paths that would extend my journey even further. Technically the trip going directly from Winterthur to Lugano would take around three hours, I needed much more.

In fact, I needed about 12 days. That's how long I have in between the summer and fall sessions before I'm able to return to my school. University now I guess considering I graduated the 'prep school' part of the school and am now attending the even more prestigious Swiss accredited university. Even with the extra time taken out I think I'll still end up going over to Geneva unless I find some town with a particularly nice river or something like that to stay in for a few extra days.

I still don't understand why exactly I need to leave the school between the sessions, it's quite inconvenient for me. They can do it though, nothing that I can do to change that. Some of the best minds attend my school, or at least that is what the school bored boast to prospective students and parents when they want a particular diplomat or in some cases royal family member to enrol. They also have some of the richest kids, and those don't really need intelligence to excel. If you want to be technical about it, I could easily be grouped with those students. My parents were quite rich. The old money of the Black family has only gown in stature as time has progressed. This is why I am able to buy a motorbike and take a trip alone though a foreign country that I have already lived and studied in for the past two years without even putting a scratch in my bank account.

When my parents informed me that they didn't want me to come back with my younger brother once again the told me that they put and extra 10,000 CHF into my account. To them this was pocket change. Hush money. So that I didn't let slip that I didn't have the choice to return home, so that their friends in high places wouldn't question the absence of the Black's oldest son.

"Oh we let me go on holiday around Switzerland" sounds much better than "we don't want our son home because we despise the sight of him and everything he stands for."

No, that wouldn't be an acceptable way to present yourself. To them it's better to send me away then deal with me. They even had my younger brother Regulus, the only one who cared for me in the slightest, apply to Cambridge so that he wouldn't be near me anymore. Too afraid I'd influence him in some way. More than ever their actions make me believe that love isn't possible if they can't even love their own son.

All these thoughts make me turn my face down slightly and roll the throttle just a bit more than what is considered safe as I sweep around yet another tight corner. I feel my rear tire spin and I have to compensate so the bike doesn't spin out from under me entirely. At least this stops my mind. Thinking.. one of the most deadly things I have ever come across, silence.

 _Only twelve more days, then I'll be back in my single dorm at Hogwarts. James and Petter will be in their own quarters near mine a couple of days later and I'll be able to resume my charade with the distraction of my only two friends. Just twelve days._

The next twelve days pass virtually the same way. I spend three going down to Lugano. I find some place to stay, wander the city or town, retest back to the room I rented with my headphones and notebook, then leave the next day and repeat in another town. I stop on the forth day along the rocky bank of one of the crisp rivers and dive into the freezing water for an hour or so before moving on. I didn't pack much, only what I could fit in the compartment under my seat and my backpack. This consisted of a couple of black pants, a few long sleeves, a DropDead(my absolute favourite clothing brand made by the lead singers of one of my favourite bands) button down(Flunk shirt), a black scarf, my favourite DropDead jacket and jumper, my box, my charger, new phone, Bose headphones, my notebook, pens, passport, a large sum of CHF and Euros since I didn't want to bring my bank card, and lastly my camera with a couple of extra lenses and battery's. These took up the majority of the space in my small compartment, but it didn't matter to me because they were worth it. Besides, my jacket and jumper fit in well with it, the rest could be crammed into my luckily waterproof backpack. My riding gear kept the water out pretty good as well. Lucky of me the worst of the weather was on the first day. The rest of my possessions were in a storage unit by the school, including my other phone that people had the number to.

I don't know why I wanted to be left alone on this trip, I just did. I didn't have it in my to face others at the moment. Though I know my parents despise me, the have made it quite clear from the foul words and rough hands, it still bring a bit of displeasure to me every time they demonstrate it yet again. So I decided that I would be alone for a bit. Go to places where no one knew my name or face. Be a ghost. So far it was working our quite well.

The days passed more quickly that I expected and before I realised it I was parked in front of the villa entry (turned office) of Hogwarts University.

The school building consisted of a couple of old mansions/villas that were renovated slightly and transformed to classrooms and offices. Only the grand libraries remain mainly intact which I am extremely thankful for. Our dormitories are all old apartment buildings that were either bought or built within 20 minutes walking distance of the main villa. There were only four and you were essentially sorted by an extremely long questionnaire that was sent out and revised before you came to the campus. You stayed in that building, or house, your entire stay. I enjoyed mine, Gryffindor, because it was backed up against the woods and they had plenty if single rooms. The school only had a maximum of 800 students attending a single given time, 200 for the uni-prep and 600 for the actual university. Any more than that and they'd have to expand. I was happy it was small.

As I push open the heavy oak door to the office to retrieve my keys to my house and mailbox I see the always chipper face of whatever student is occupying that chair. I don't know how they all always look so darn happy. Actually, that's not true, I have been putting on a mask for others for as long as I can remember, I assume that others do the same. It seems like most people are genuinely happy though which slightly annoys me. Why can't I be like that? I give this girl my name and house she sorts through papers. Once she finds my tag and flips to the appropriate page I can see that there is a large post-it in the middle.

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr Black. It seems like there was a mix up and you will be receiving a roommate this year. The note says that professor Dumbledore is very sorry for the mix up, but that you should remember that all bedrooms are separate" she explained to me. I do my best to hide the fact that this thought terrifies me and reply with a small smile, "that's okay sweetie, nothing can be done. Thank you for your assistance."

I sign for the keys and get it of there as quickly as possible with still being polite. I have never had a roommate. Not even James or Peter! There were too many things that I want to keep secret and on top of that I liked my privacy! I liked being alone. I try to remind myself of Dumbledore's words as I make the short drive to my dorm. I'm shaking as I put my things together in my duffle bag and turn to the building.

 _What if he's terrible? Or just rude? Or worse, invasive? What if he finds out? Then what happens?_

I nearly drop my mess as I enter the outside door and make it to the lift, my rooms on the top floor, at least I'll have a balcony. Hopefully the lift doesn't break too many times this term. I'm still slightly shaking and biting down hard on the inside of my cheek the entire ride up.

Once I get to my room I see that my boxes have already been placed just inside of the open door. Just as I'm stepping in I see another boy emerge from the bedroom in the far right corner. He's taller than me with scruffy light brown hair with fringe that nearly covers his grey-green eyes entirely. He's in a slightly shabby suit, so not from money then. He must be very intelligent to have gotten a scholarship good enough to make this school affordable to him. As in taking in his appearance he notices me standing in the doorway among my boxes and smiles.

"Well, hello there. My name is Lupin," he said as he walks toward outstretching his hand in the process, "Remus Lupin."

I finally catch myself and take his hand, "Sirius, it's nice to meet you," and then I really look at him up close for the first time. He has a few small scars scattered about his face, but the don't do his features any harm. In fact they may make him appear even more attractive, if that is even possible. My eyes widen as I realise what I just thought.

 _Well shit._

* * *

Well, here is the first chapter to my Wolfstar story. I'm planning on this one being long and emotional. There will be a lot of band references in here because that's how I think and because Sirius is going to be very into music. I'm not basing him off of anybody in particular really, just had a good idea and wanted to run with it. 

Disclaimer:I don't one Harry potter or any of the characters, pretty sure that's mandatory for me to put at least once..

I'm basing the setting off of my 2+ years attending uni in Switzerland so far, so if I mess up I'm sorry, I wasn't born there (sadly). 

Lastly, I put this in the tags and description, but I'll do it again. There is a trigger warning for this story, I'll put the warning at the beginning of the chapters that contain it just in case. Basically Sirius isn't entirely mentally well. So warning. That I am basing off of my experiences with myself and some of my friends. 

Anyways, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please comment or rate, all feedback is lovely, even if you're telling me I did something wrong. 

Best wishes to you all! ㈏3


	2. I'll Fake All I Want

I stand there, most likely with some stupid expression on my face, wondering how in the fucking bloody hell had I allowed myself to think that about someone. I can't have that kind of relationship, friends? That's fine, anything more and it would be too complicated, especially considering that he's my roommate! What the hell am I thinking, I need to shut up that side of my brain, thats final. I can't let anybody get that close. Period. James and Peter may think that they know everything about me after 2 years as friends, but I keep some things quite well hidden. But keeping stuff like…that hidden from a partner? Much too difficult for me, that can't happen.

 ** _Like he'd even fancy you, you idiot. How could that happen? You're alone, and you always will be._**

 _Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!_

 _I hate these shadows my mind, they can make my head pound without actually having a headache.. Why does it do this to me. It's like it's its own entity, completely separate from 'me'. Why can't I just have normal, non self destructive thoughts? Why do I have t-_

Before I can continue my train of thought there is a sound that interrupts it.

"Hmm. Sorry. What was that?" I say looking back up at the beautiful - _stop it-_ boy that has just said something to me.

"I was asking if you needed help getting anything up? I've already got all my things, so I thought I'd help with yours if you needed any," he says, still giving me a slightly confused look.

"Oh, no," I begin, "that's not necessary, all of my things should have already been brought up by the storage company this morning. This," I say swinging my duffle bag around me shoulder for him to get a clear view of, "is the only thing that I had left. It was what I took with me on my bike."

"Bike?" he asks.

"Ya, I got a motorbike so that I could go travel and clear my mind a bit before classes started again seeing as I wasn't aloud to stay here."

"Why didn't you just go back with your family?" he asks, again a bit perplexed.

Shit, I was hoping he wouldn't say anything. Think, quick.

"I- They were going on holiday to.. Florida! I really didn't feel like going, I'm not really a fan of the weather there and I'd just seen them anyways. Plus they said that it would be fine if I stayed," I say quickly, probably a bit too quickly. But if Remus noticed then he was good at hiding it.

"I see," he says, "I've never been. I have heard it's nice though."

"So people keep telling me, I don't know though, I don't really think you're missing out on anything. I much prefer here anyways. Much better scenery, nicer weather, clean water, beautiful forests, what's not to like?" I say trying to divert the topic a bit. I take to opportunity to finally set my bag down and move over to the small sofa.

"I wouldn't know," he says, "I just got here today and all I saw was the airport at Zurich, the train stations and the car up."

"Really! You've never been before?"

"Well, my parents never had much money for traveling and I was basically only able to go here with the scholarship that they gave me, so this is my first time really traveling," he tells me a bit shyly.

"Well then," I say getting up again, "we must rectify this. It's only noon now. How do you feel about going for a trip? I'll show you around some of my favourite places."

He lifts his eyes to meet mine again, "oh no, I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Don't be silly, it's nothing. I don't have anything else to do and neither do you since you said all your stuff is already up. We can make it worth while, on the way back we'll do the shopping, sound good?" I ask then remember to add, "oh and the trip is on me."

His eyes widen a bit, "I couldn't possibly let you pay for all tha-"

I cut him off, "yes you can. My family is loaded, I could buy both of us an entire new wardrobe from Burberry and it wouldn't even put a dent in my account. I think that I can handle playing for a friend."

"Friend?" he asks.

"Yes, well that is if you'd like? We are sharing a room together and you seem like a nice person, I think it could work. As long as that's okay with you?"

"Of course it is," he smiles and I swear it just make the room a bit brighter, "okay then, when would you like to go?"

"Just a sec," I say pulling out my phone, "I'll check the train schedule… it looks like there is a train leaving at- 12:22 so just under half an hour."

"Train? Where are we going?"

"Zurich, much more fun there," I put on my best grin and he seems to flush a bit, "we can take my bike down to the station al leave it there, walking would take too long. I'll go empt out this bag so we have something to put stuff in, sound good?"

"On you bike?"

"Yes," I say then add after looking at the slightly apprehensive look on his face, "don't worry, it's safe. And I'll be extra careful, it's only a couple minutes to the station that was anyways."

"Okay," he says after a little bit of internal deliberation, "I'll trust you. Go easy on me though, I have never been on a motorbike before."

"Will do!" I say jumping up from the couch, "I'll go dump this stuff on my bed and get the other helmet, be right back."

I get up and head to the door opposite the one Remus was standing in when I came in. As I opened it I saw that all my matching black luggage was already in there as I thought it would be. I go over to one of the bigger ones and fetch the spare helmet from it before zipping open my bag and emptying it contents onto the small double bed. _Well here it goes_ , I think to myself, _don't fuck this friendship up._

 ** _Like it's possible for you not to fuck it up, that's what you do._**

I pull at my hair a bit and catch myself whispering 'no' under my breath repeatably before my thoughts subside and I pull myself together again.

I quickly peel off the slightly dirty shirt I'm wearing from my ride and throw on the new Downer Shirt DD shirt before I fish around for my wallet and umbrella and throw them in the now empty bag. I take a deep breath just to prepare my facade before I walk back out to Remus holding up the helmet, "Ready?" I ask.

"As I'll ever be I suppose," he replies and we head out the door.

When he sees my bike he says under his breath, but of course I hear, "thank god, it's not one of those loud ones."

"You mean Harley's?" he nods, "don't worry, those aren't my style, I prefer to have more power and attract less attention. With how quickly I drive sometimes it's better that way I think. I'd rather fly through silently."

"Good to hear. Those ones make my ears hurt, our neighbor had one when I was growing up and it would always wake me when he got back at one in the morning. It got quite frustrating," then he gets this big grin on his face and continues, "this one time I rented this amplifier, pointed it out my open window and set off the fog horn sound at 3am, 5am, and 7am. It was great, he somehow never figured out it was me. I think he though I was too quite of a person to come up with it," he giggled, literally giggled.

 _This guy is just way too cute._

 ** _And you'll never have him you freak._**

"You know," I say, still trying to recover from my thoughts, "I don't think I would have through you to be capable of that either. Now I'll be sure not to do anything to annoy you, I might wake up to a room covered in post-it notes or without any gas in my bike or... something."

He laughs at this, "You're right, must be careful around me. I'm soooo dangerous," he says, his voice positively dripping with sarcasm as he takes the helmet from me, "so how do you work the fastening?"

"Here, just let me do it for you, then you can watch me do mine and figure it out for next time, we need to be getting to the station before our train leaves," I say taking it from him again and helping him with it. I stow my bag under the seat, hop on, and start up the bike, "I hope you're okay with holding onto me."

"I think I can manage," he tells me as he gets on an tentatively wraps his arms around my waist. That changes when we actually start moving, then he is holding on for dear life. After a couple of minutes he relaxes, of course we are almost to the station by that point and by the time he is really relaxed and possibly even enjoying himself we are parked and getting off the bike.

"Not to traumatic I hope?" I ask as I stow our helmets and retrieve the bag.

"You know, after I got used to the feeling it was quite enjoyable, I can understand how you find that fun. Still far too dangerous for me, I have enough scars."

I cringe a bit, "They aren't bad," I tell him.

"Ya they are, but I have gotten used to them," he tells me.

"I think they add character," I say with a smile.

He grins as well, "thanks for that, nobodies said that before."

"Well then they were just idiots," then I motion to the station, "ready to go get tickets?"

"Sounds dandy to me."

I give him a funny look for his choice of phrasing, but he doesn't seem to notice. He takes a shot at the ticket machine without any luck, "they are different here," he tells me.

"I know, here, let me," I say and proceed to buy tickets for both of us, "Ok, looks like we are ready to go on platform.. 9. We better hurry though the train will be leaving in a few and we have to walk all the way down to 2nd class."

We end up catching it with no problem, this time of day doesn't see much traffic either so we are left in a nearly empty car just slowly getting to know each other. I tell him about my music and concert obsession and he informs me that the best thing on earth is chocolate. From there we go into this long discussion about the different forms of chocolate and I make a mental note to buy him some of that stuff from the bio market in the station. He tells me how much he likes dogs even though that's where the scars on his face come from. Of course the more he speaks about animals I realize he's an animal person, not a dog person. No dog person talks that enthusiastically about cats. I tell him about my trip when he asks. And then just as we're beginning to talk about school and the classes we share, only one and possibly the travel, the train comes into Zurich HB. We exit and I begin to show him around.

We head through the park along the river first and over the blue walking bridge at the beginning of the "most beautiful river" he as ever seen. I agree with him and promise to take him swimming every weekend that the weather is nice enough. We get a small lunch at one of the more local places to eat along that side of the river and I tell him about all of my favourite street art, especially the Eulen Heulen. Then walk along the river towards the larger bridge that leads to Limmatplatz and one of the larger tram stations admiring the beautiful and sometimes hilarious work that is done in that legal graffiti area. I purchase us day cards and then we wait for the one that will take us over to the big glass building. I try to explain all this to him so that if he needs to come here again alone he'll be able to. I remember on the train he mentioned that he needed to buy a new book bag because his had been falling apart so we get off and I head him over to the Freitag tower.

When we get there he looks up an says, "wow, that is much more interesting than that glass building. They just took shipping containers and made them into a tower, that is such a fantastic idea. Can we go to the top?"

"That we can, the top level is actually a rooftop balcony of sorts. I also want to look at their bags," I inform him.

He finally looks into the windows, "they make bags then?"

"That they do, really nice ones too."

"Cool," he says and we head up.

After we're done admiring the view, which is absolutely beautiful, I ask him to help me pick out a new book bag. After a bit of wandering he comes up to me and says, "this one is quite nice," he's holding out a dark green messenger bag with some sort of writing from whatever train car cover they took this from.

"That one it is then," I tell him and we head back down the metal stairs to the register.

Once we're outside and back on a tram again so he isn't able to refuse and make me take it back I hand him the bag, "happy new friendship, hope you like it," I tell him with a smile.

"You- you mean this is for me? Is that why you had me pick it out? Sirius, I can't take this, it's far too expensive."

I stop him, "it's no problem, you needed a bag, it's better to get one that will last for a long time then one that will break easily. I'm making an investment for you. And you aren't aloud to give it back," I add firmly.

"I don't really know what to say, thank you, this is a very nice gift," he tells me before reaching in and hugging me. I swear my heart skips a beat and I can feel my cheeks heating as I hug him back.

"It's nothing, I'm glad that I could be of assistance. We need to get off at the nest stop though. I want to go into the old city, there is a tea shop that I adore. You wont find better quality anywhere. Then we need to be getting back before the Migros closes back in our town."

He lets go and smiles at me again, "sounds good to me."

As we walk though the old city I tell him little tidbits of information that I know about various buildings or people or the history of the city. That particularly interests him so I continue with the things I know. By the time we reach the shop just around the corner from the Russian book store and small play park I have run out of interesting historical information and am glad that I don't have to tell him this.

We go in and I buy enough tea to "last though the next world war" according to Remus. I try to tell him that I drink a lot of tea and that this is also for him to use, but he sticks to his claim. Once we get back to the station we have a bit till our return train leaves so I am able to show him the bio market, Egli, and to buy some dry fruit, bio juices, tofu products, rice milks, some cereal, and, most importantly, nearly their entire supply of chocolate. I swear I could see Remus' mouth water when I put the bars in my cart.

"This is stuff for the room, meaning it's for both of us, you can have whatever you like, that't why I'm getting extra. I'll get the speciality items, you can do the more common stuff," I tell him, "oh, but one request? Don't put any open meat around the vegetables? I don't care if you cook it or eat it, it just doesn't sit well with me..." I trail off embarrassed waiting for him to make fun of me.

"So you're vegetarian?"

"Ya..."

"That's cool, I don't eat much meat anyways, I save it for going out or something. I'm more interested in what you'll cook up. From the way you talk about cooking it seems like you know what you're doing," he tells me flashing a grin again.

"Well, um, thanks. I hope you like it. And thanks for not making fun of me,"

"Why would I do that? It's not like you were making fun of me for eating it, why should I make fun of you for not. If something doesn't sit well with you then it's better to trust that feeling."

"Well, thanks anyways. I'll be paying for this now, just one second," I say then walk up to the counter.

The trip back is comfortable. We talk about nothing in particular, but it's nice. We get back and I show him where he largest Migros is and we stock up on everything we could possible need. The first shopping day is always the most expensive and heavy. Luckily most of it ends up fitting under the seat with a few exceptions that Remus has to wear on his back on the duffle bag.

We get back to the apartment and spend a great deal of time unloading and messing about before we finish and are about to retreat to our own rooms because that's what expected of us when Remus says something.

"Want to do something else for the night? Watch a film or something? We can set up a stand for a lap top."

I smile, "I've got something better, move the sofa around and I'll be right back."

I dash into my room and start to go though another bag looking for my little projector and the smaller Bose till I finally come across them with their cords still right where they belong. I come back out to see the sofa flipped and facing the big white wall and I hold up the contents of my hands.

"You're kidding. This is brilliant! What are we going to watch?"

I think for a moment then say, "have you seen The Fountain or Mr. Nobody?"

"I've seen The Fountain and love it, but I haven't seen Mr. Nobody yet. The fact that you even list those two together makes me want to see it though. How about we start with that," he says and moves to help me set everything up.

He then starts the kettle while I get the movie set up and the sound correct, "grab a couple bars of that chocolate too, I have been craving so bad it's driving me bonkers!" I tell him as he brings one of the bedside tables from his room over to be used as a coffee table.

That night is perfect. We spend it watching movies, he decides that this is in fact the best chocolate in existence and that Mr. Nobody is quite amazing.

"How could anybody not love Jared Leto?" he asks, "that man seems so interesting. And he makes good music."

"You know the band!" I say jumping up and probably startling him.

"Of course! I grew up on them. I love their stuff."

"This is fantastic! Have you hear of AFI then? They toured with them a while back, they have been my favourite since I 2005! Sing The Sorrow? Oh my god, that was the best! And Burials! AND THERE'S A NEW BLAQK AUDIO THIS YEAR! AND POP KIDS SEQUEL! I am freaking out incase you couldn't tell. Why are you laughing?"

"You're just-" he begins but is cut off by is own laughing, "just so enthusiastic! I didn't know other's could be that way. I am like that with Sherlock!" he says, laughing again.

"Me too! We have to do a Sherlock marathon!"

"Deal my friend," he says finally betting ahold of his laughing fit, "okay time for The Fountain."

"Works for me!"

This is how we spend our night. Laughing, joking, and yes, crying at some parts in The Fountain... All in all it was a fantastic day. The only problem is that now I find myself glancing over at Remus, the person who is so gorgeous inside it makes him even more physically attractive, and I realize that there is probably no way that I'll be able to avoid developing a much larger crush on him. And with that comes an entire other set of problems.

 ** _That's right, once he sees the real you he'll run as far away as he can. You deserve that, it's what you get for being worthless._**

I try to block out my thoughts but it doesn't work. Why can silence be so violent?

I put my head in my hands and pull at my hair. _Please, just leave me alone!_

Once my head stops pounding I find my headphones and phone and put the album Vessel on repeat and try to lose myself in sleep. Eventually, this works and all I dream of is a certain scared boy.

...

Hello again! I have decided that I will update this story at least once a month (unless something drastic happens, but I don't think that it will). You have no idea how happy I am that people are even reading this, I was kind of expecting it to go unnoticed. So thank you to all of those who are reading, bookmarking, or leaving kudos, it means a lot to me.

The tea shop I mention is called Shui Tang and I just found out that that began shipping to America! I wasn't joking about how great their tea is either, so good..

I made Sirius a vegetarian because I felt like it worked well with the character I am forming. This will not be some sort of preach one way or the other, it just worked correctly.

And again, so many song references!

Best wishes to you all!


End file.
